Statement begins.

Near the end of Sophomore year. I think. For the majority of the year, everyone was online-and then, you had the choice to stay online or go in-person. I went in-person, personally, being inside all the time was driving me fucking insane. This one kid though, they were a senior at the time, stayed online, so I didn't see them for the majority of the year.

This kid kind of really fucked with me my freshman year. Almost pushed me to off myself-that wasn't their intent, at all, I know that, but that is just how it affected me. Looking back, with more information, years later, it wasn't really their fault. They said some fucked up shit to me, but they were probably being egged on to, and I know they heard a lot of lies about me coming from other people. I can still hang with them, I have since, they totally think we're homies, I'm pretty much nuetral.

Almost right after they said fucked up shit to me, shutdown hit. I hadn't seen this kid in over a year.

So, seeing them for the first time? I think it was the first time I ever had what I could recognize, as a trauma response. Like, it wasn't like they were gonna do or say anything, but god- just being around them, in person again, scared the shit out of me. They showed up for a performance we had, we were in the same drama class. God. I fucked up during one of the songs I was in because of the nerves, I was the Emcee along with a friend and having a panic attack the entire time.

After the show, we went to denny's! As always! At some point, one of my now-best friends kind of looked at the kid, and then gentured to his phone- a gesture I recognized, because I caught people doing it to talk shit on me when I was in the room during my freshman year. My friend caught that I noticed it. Told me what they were talking about, why he didn't really want to say it out loud (involved people that I ALSO didn't have a great histroy with), and apologized. I almost cried, driving him home when he apologized. It was the first time anyone had ever been mindful of me like that. He's still one of the only people that do that for me.

Anyway. First trauma response, first time someone was mindful of a trigger. And it was like, that friend's last show. Real complicated night for me.

Statement ends.